A moment of weakness, what you never would know.

Sometimes the pain of what has happened to me, gets the best of me.

I hate what you did to me.

I hate how I lost friends. I hate how I lost my happiness. I hate how I lost my security. I hate how I lost faith and trust.

I hate how you forced me to change my whole life, inside and out, up and down, no corner left untouched.

I hate how you took all I had, in ignorance of my voice.

I have to forgive myself for what I feel and how I react.

But you want to know moments that have scarred me for life?

When I had to sit alone in a walmart bathroom stall and take a pregnancy test.
When I had to take pregnancy tests alone for 3 months.
All when I had grown up with the dream, shattered, that I would be waiting anxiously with a man, my husband, who I was very in love with, and who loved me, unconditionally - and we had wanted and tried to have a child out of love, not out of lust. Facing the fact that I might have had your child, out of your selfishness, your mistake...alone.

When I had to take tests, that would potentially effect my future...my relationships, my health, my ability to not only exist, but to live. Tests that would possibly change my husbands mind, tests that could change my choice to have children, healthy children. And having to take those tests alone.

I hate how it wasn't enough only for you to disrespect me in the most hurtful way a person can disrespect another person, but for you to be the offender to blame the victim, and to slander my name.

But mostly I hate how you made me hate myself.
This is what you made me.

And what you did to me, you already did to you.