"Friends"

If the last two years have taught me anything, I have learned alot about friends.

I used to befriend everyone, I used to see all the good and ignore the negative. I am so understanding, that I used to believe that understanding excused wrong doing. I used to give and give, and got nothing in return.

I have lost alot of friends, for a couple reasons:

1. My life became "too ugly" for some people to stay and support me in my life when I needed them most. In this case, all I have to say is that its their loss. Honestly, if you cant handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. I felt so abandoned for so long, and very alone when I was trying to reach out, and many of my "friends" just let me fall. I learned alot about my choice of friends.

2. I choose to let go of certain people because my relationship with them, became toxic for me. Misery loves company, and some people just intentionally loved dragging me down. I let go of the people who hurt me, to make room for people who deserved to be in my life, and to help what good, positive relationships I have grow.

Either way, I learned that it is all about the quality, not quantity of friends I am choosing to let in my life. I am sick of the fair-weather friends. There are people in my life who stood by me at my worse and others just left, or threw their hands up. Part of me understands why people say to keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer...because your always on guard with your enemies, when friends betray you, its a backstabbing, blind side slap to the face. Sometimes we compromise ourselves to find out some people just dont belong in our lives. Im done cmpromising.

I have gone through some healing phases, and I am starting to feel ready to have a new, good, positive social life. Including men. I have a long way to go.

I am ready for some trial and error. I am ready to make mistakes, because that means I am trying.